Memories Of Her

SHE GOT WELL(Healed)

In her eyes I saw fear of pain

My tears were like rain

They flooded my paper universe

Left me with no place to write my verse

To relief my stress

Seeing her in pain made me cry

Knowing I'm not gonna see her again makes me wanna cry

At least in pain she could respond

I wanted to take her place as her youngest boy

It was this day 11 years ago

That one day when daddy came back home from the Hospital

He said, "o fodile"

She got well

He meant,  "o ile"

...she's not coming back

My favourite spoon became the worst that day

I choked on food from it when I ate

It used to dig the food she prepared on my plate

Why did it have to be the 1 to dig my mom's grave?

Why did it have to be the 1 to cause me pain?

I know it was time

Not my time but God's time

I still remember the day

The year 2004, 18th Of May

When daddy came back home from the Hospital 

He said "o fodile"

She got well

He meant, "o ile"...

...and she's not coming back

By Rufus "Roof-Top" Mashao (18-05-2004)

Yes she got well. She was very sick in Hospital & stayed there for few weeks just before she departed from the painless life of the flesh. Heaven is a place for people like her, beautiful and strong. True believer in the Lord, she loved music so much her normal day was a song and a special one would be singing it with all her kids being home. That prayer she said every Sunday just before we all left for our places of work & schools was the feast for the spirit & motivation our belief in God and ourselves. Eleven years later I stumbled upon my poetry book from when she was still alive. It felt like someone wrote all those poems except the Poem above, "She Got Well"...

...as I could remember vividly the tears that dropped on the very page I jotted a Poem to celebrate her life. That watermark was the signature of life turning it's pages of her last chapter, I wanted to know who writes the book because I was the one who wrote her the only Poem she never got to read. I don't know how, but eleven years later my eyes still get teary when I think of the best memories of my life with her, I remember my mom in happy way. And, today I shall rejoice in the Lord & make happiness for myself by honouring the woman who gave me more than life. The wisdom to never let a moment pass without writing about it, this moment is for you & me momma. And as I have always marked this day in the diary of my heart, so shall the son of my son. Memories don't live like people do and that be the reason I continue to write you again today, on behalf of me & all my siblings. Your "Memories Shall Live Forever In Us".

MUSIC TO MY SOUL…

It was all in the midst of childhood when I learnt of death, when an old woman of statue passed on in my family. I was in class when my aunt came to collect me from school to my late (Gogo) grandmother’s house, hence by then I wasn't even told of her life journey ending. While driving with my aunt tries to start a conversation by asking me if I remembered what my “Gogo” used to say to me about celebrating one’s life, the ever inquisitive me then asked where “Gogo” was. I saw tears in auntie’s eyes & her voice starting to sound rough & deep, full of pain and she then parked on the side of the road to hug me & whispered “O fodile” meaning “She’s now healed/well”. She sounded more like Gogo her tone went deeper, I choked on my own saliva & coughed my lungs out as my aunt was a bit slow with pouring me the juice in the Styrofoam cup. Only to find that she was deep in tears & now decided to tell me straight up that “Gogo is no more”, I kind of knew what she meant hence being a little boy I asked whether she was sure. From there it was only silence in the loud engine car, I fell asleep right there & then.

The worst moment of every human’s departure is the burial, the cemetery is mostly filled to the brim in the black neighborhoods in South Africa and the Saturday in August 1990 was the day we celebrated Gogo’s life with songs and praises. That old woman pass on at the age of 86 yrs and as I put this pen to paper I’m not even half the age she lived. She always referred to me as her hubby because her husband was fond of me more than any other cousin or sibling, he is the man that moulded my tune. He loved music so much that it was the only thing I heard on the day of Gogo’s funeral, it brought her whole village together & the only thing was that they were all strangers to me but knew me enough to know that my passion was the song.

The priest came forth with only hymns that left everybody slow & emotional, seeing that it was sad I convinced my cousin to start a chorus from the outside of the cemetery tents. She started the most joyous & thankful song only to get a hiding of her life, I felt guilty the whole day till we got home and as a family we sang the very same song to commemorate Gogo. “I remember mamma in happy way” was then & even though it wasn't a gospel song it was perfect for the occasion & even the funeral, funerals still scare me today…I wish I could be absent on mine, because people crying became Music to My Soul!!! So many I lost along the way and even the daughter to my grand-mother, my mother passed on and it feels like the spoon I use keep digging everybody’s grave. Again today I sing the very same song that got my cousin sister a hiding at Gogo’s funeral, “I remember mamma in happy way”. Excuse my key for those who never talk about death, to all those that passed on & they knew me…DEATH BE NO PROUD!!!

EXCUSE MY KEY…

Thanks for listening to my nerves, damn you got me nervous…

…pardon my story isn't Mr Lonely, my real name is Rufus

King William II had it as his last, some of that greatness onto me was passed…

…never mind my past, I hope this isn't lust

Hoping more that you aren't venomous, something like this can be dangerous…

…hazardous to emotions, girl I’m scared

Not of the past hence the future, damn I’m scared…

…in life I lost and found, still I am lost

“Finding what was never lost doesn't make it yours” my late mother told me that when we spoke about love…

…I know I had enough, ownership ain't my game just teach me how to love you

EXCUSE MY KEY…

I learned my notes in the pain lab…

…with Dr Dre in the background playing I conclude that never will I ever find the missing Rib-bone on my chest

I want to let my heart rest…

…with you it feels like the last test

That maybe I found the missing Rib-bone on my chest…!!!

EXCUSE MY KEY…

…notes I learned are sultry – POETRY and nothing else

All I want is her & her words…

…her swag can’t be a problem, word!!!

EXCUSE MY KEY…

…all I know is the notes I play are never astray – MELODY and nothing else

And only you have to EXCUSE MY KEY…